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 The Rocky Bibble

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NILLOC
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PostSubject: The Rocky Bibble   Wed Oct 01, 2014 11:41 pm

This post will tell you the story of Rocky. All members of the Church of Rocky believe this and follow the message it teaches.

Origins I, Verse I


In the beginning, there was nothing.
An empty black void, only one thing was there with the void. A grand rock. A rock beyond comprehension in size. This rock, was Rocky. After a while Rocky grew bored fucking nothing was going on. So he broke many, many chunks of himself off to from all the planets.  So it was, the universe was born.

Origins I, Verse II

Rocky, seeing the universe he created, decided to populate it. He scattered life all across the universe. Men, Women, Plants, Animals, and smelly aliens were placed all around the planets he created. So it was, live was born.

Origins I, Verse III

One day, man prayed to Rocky. They said "yo nigga, shit's dark. We need light up in this bitch". For at the time, many men couldn't see that they were white and just assumed they were black. That is when Rocky created sister Abigail. She was a being of pure fiery rage. Rocky created her to ignite the stars and bring light to the universe. 

Origins, Verse IV


Rocky was lonely. While there was man, there were no godly beings whom could party as hard as him. Well, except Abigail. But she was a bitch. So it was that Rocky made 3 more divine beings. They were Arnold, the god of Health and MUSCLES, Shrek who was the god of Love and Life, and Pasha who was god of Swag, and Trickery.

Origins, Verse V

Now that he had beings to party with, Rocky threw a party. It was the most ballin party ever. However, it was crashed by Abigail who showed up late and DRUNK AS FUCK ! She started drying to get Shrek's dick and when he refused she started ranting and raving. Rocky then said unto her "Abigail you're drunk you stupid cunt ! Get the fuck out !" Abigail was pissed, she left the party talking about destroying the universe, and cut Shrek's dick. 

Origins, Verse VI

Shrek went to Arnold pleading to have his dick fixed. Arnold said unto him "SHE CHOPPAD YOUR DICK BRUH, THERE'S NOTHING I CAN DO". So Shrek went to Pasha and asked for help. Pasha said unto him that his dick would be fixed if he went around filling young boy's with his love. Now, you may be wondering how Shrek can fill boys with his love when his dick is fucked up. Well the answer is quite simple; Shrek's dick, much like an onion, has layers.

Origins, Verse VII

Shortly after Abigail's drunken fit, she did go about trying to burn down the entire universe. Rocky put a stop to this. He had champions led by Arnold battle Abigail and seal her inside the Spar-Tan-Lazhor. This device made it so that Abigail is unable to strike out on her own, but can be used to ignite nonbelievers. From the blood of Abigail, sprung the horrors of the universe, namely elites.

Origins, Verse IIX


In the early days of man, Rocky looked down to see that his creation was crazy as fuck. They ran around raping, and pillaging and just acting like dildos. Rocky couldn't take it, so he came down to earth and met a man who became known as St. Pebble. 


The Book of Jackson

Jackson 1:0

Jackson was a man that inhabited the world many years ago. He was the first of St. Pebble's disciples and thus one of the first true Rockyists. It isn't recorded when he first met St. Pebble, but his records seem to start some time after meeting the prophet. 

(This introduction is put in by the Church of Rocky in 2017)

Jackson 1:1

In our travels we came upon a town in the desert. The town was known as "BD City". The city was sick with the plague of Chaos. In the town center a dirty split-lip was addressing a crowd. Pebble pushed through the crowd and and felled the beast with one bullet. 

Jackson 1:2

He turned to the crowd and they were silent as he addressed them. "Elites plague our universe much as how cancer plagues the body. These monsters came from the blood of Abigail as she bled in the battle that led to her being sealed away. They are of pure malice and must be destroyed." 

Jackson 1:3

A man in the crowd spoke to the prophet. "None of us like the Sanghili, but they have as much a right to exist as we do." An explosion then sounded in the far distance. Elites were coming down the main street towards the crowd, firing their foul inventions blindly and panic gripped the people.

Jackson 1:4

It was then Pebble called upon the crowd and they settled. "Calm people, we will purge the filth." The people responded that they had only 3 handguns among them. Pebble collected the weapons, and our sidearms. He then distributed them among the crowd and every man was armed. 

Jackson 1:5 

The elites were soon slain and not a man was lost. One man was blinded by the light of a plasma grenade that came too close to him. His wife begged Pebble to help the man. Pebble held his hands over the mans eyes and said "By the will of Rocky and with the help of Arnold, your husband can see." The man sat up and so it was he could see. 

Jackson 1:6

The couple, grateful for Pebble's help, took us into their home and fed us that night. They asked what he could be called. He told them he was Pebble. They asked why he had such an odd name and he stated "I, like you, am but a Pebble in this universe Rocky has created." 

Jackson 1:7

They asked him more about Rocky and so he enlightened them. By the time we came upon the square the next day, the crowd had tripled in size. 

Jackson 1:8

Pebble approached the center of the crowd. The people from the day before were speaking the word of Rocky. They announced that Pebble was the one that had performed the miracles and Pebble spoke. "There was no miracle. It was Rocky's will that those things happened." 

Jackson 1:9

The people in the crowd began approaching Pebble. Asking for aid in their struggles. Pebble spoke out to them. "I am but an agent of Rocky's will, as you all are. All I can do is tell you how to follow his path and you will be guided through your struggles."

Jackson 1:10

So it was that Pebble spoke out Rocky's guidance as Rocky has spoken to him long ago. "Rocky has 5 tenants that we must follow to stick to the path. First, revere Rocky above all else. He sacrificed his physical form to create our universe and his sacrifice shouldn't be forgotten. Second, understand that while man has dominion, he must still care for Rocky's creation. Third, the elites are the monstrous spawn of Abigail and must be hated. Fourth, don't be fucking edgy. Fifth, don't talk about Fight Club."

Jackson 1:11

As we left the town and trekked out into the desert, we came upon a camp of elites. They were worshiping a sword. Pebble sighed and exclaimed. "All energy is residue from Rocky's explosion. They're too stupid to even worship right." We razed the camp and took the sword to cut down heretics. 

Jackson 2:1

We came upon another town. It was plagued with a sickness which seemed to resurrect the dead before their bodies could become one with Rocky once more. Pebble flew into a rage and cut down a dozen with the sword we stole from the heretical beats. 


Jackson 2:2

After slaughtering the abominations we found people who had survived the creatures. They claimed the creatures had all become that way after being bitten by a man who had become blood brothers with a split-lip. Pebble proclaimed that a sin such as this clearly led to a punishment by Rocky. "Purple and Red blood must never mix outside the battlefield."

Jackson 2:3

The bodies were burned and the word spread. On the last day before our departure I awoke to find Pebble joined with two other men. They had sold off their belongings and purchased weapons as Pebble had instructed me when I joined him. Their names were Wesson and Smith. 


Jackson 2:4 

Pebble sat on the hill beneath the tree that the town congregated at and spoke to them. "Remember this, just as we have come from the ground Rocky created, so we must return when we reach our end. Those that linger after are cursed in the eyes of Rocky and all others that have passed." On that we departed to the next town. 


Jackson 3:1

After a few days on the road we came across a ransacked vehicle. It was clear from a distance that Split-Lip raiders did it. Smith wanted to approach the vehicle and check for survivors. Pebble knew better, he told them that the wagon was probably trapped. 


Jackson 3:2

Pebble always had a disdain for traps and those that used them. He used to say all the time "Traps are fuckin gay" 

Jackson 3:3

Smith refused to listen to Pebble and went to the vehicle and triggered an explosion. Then the beasts appeared from the bushes. Within minutes they were all slain and we approached Smith.

Jackson 3:4

Wesson plead to Pebble to heal Smith. Pebble refused and proclaimed "He has passed as is Rocky's will. Trying to return him would be an affront to the path. One day we will all reach it's end, and we mustn't turn back. "

Jackson 3:5

We dug a grave for Smith and buried him. Pebble spoke to Wesson "Do not dwell in grief. He has reached the end of this path and is now returning to Rocky's embrace. So from Rocky we have come, so to will we all return one day."


Jackson 4:1

After days of traveling we came upon a walled town. The head of the town took us into his home and kept us fed. The message of Rocky had already reached this town from travelers and many wished to meet Pebble.

Jackson 4:2

On the first day Pebble went to the square and spoke to the crowd. Many of them asked how Rocky wanted us to live our lives. Pebble answered them. "Just as the rock is grey, so too is man. We will never be shining beacons of purity. Neither are we dark soulless monsters. Those, are the Elites."

Jackson 4:3


Pebble Continued with his preaching. "Those soulless beasts commit the most grievous sins. They use their ships to burn planets and senselessly destroy many of the natural wonders Rocky has created from himself."

Jackson 4:4

He then finished. "Know this, we are all on the paths Rocky has set before us. The path will one day come to an end for each of us. There the righteous will be rewarded for their actions by joining Rocky. The wrenched, such as elites, will burn in the fire that is Abigail."



Addendum 

The Holy Church of Rockyism will be releasing more from the Books of Jackson, Smith and Wesson at a later time when they're translated by our scribes.

Seal of the Holy Church of Rockyism

Prayers

This section contains Rockyist Prayers made official by the Holy Church of Rockyism. Guaranteed by our High Priests to produce the maximum effect.

General Prayers

"Lord Rocky, we pray for the strength to follow the path you've set out for us. Rockus Vult"

"May the path Rocky set before ____ be rich with happiness and Reward"



Last Rites


"Lord Rocky, we send this body to return to your earthly form. From what we come so do we return. Guide him/her on his/her path. Rockus Vult."


Warrior's Prayer

"Lord Rocky, allow us to destroy our enemies as if we were the fires of Abigail. Allow us to deceive our enemies as if we were Pasha himself. And allow us the strength to withstand our enemies bullets as if we were Arnold. For we are agents of your will and we will execute it until we return to you. Rockus Vult. 


Last edited by NILLOC on Sun May 21, 2017 3:40 pm; edited 11 times in total
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PostSubject: Re: The Rocky Bibble   Sat May 02, 2015 11:27 pm

Pasha's Folly, Verse I

One day Pasha descended from the heavens and appeared before man. Soon after he started creating havoc. Rocky said unto pasha "bitch, if you want to fuck around with humans you can't have powers. That's just too op nigga" So it was that Pasha was stripped of his powers.

Pasha's Folly, Verse II

Upon losing his powers Pasha wandered the Ring. Eventually coming upon a desert village. He thought of an evil scheme, a scheme to make money by tricking the stupid and desperate. 

Pasha's Folly, Verse III 

So it was that pasha came to the little boys who hadn't developed yet. He said unto them "I'll give you money if you dress up as a lady and suck dicks". He then prostituted the little boys. Fortunately the people of the village weren't fooled and they cast pasha out.
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