You either die a homeless bum or live long enough to see yourself become a rich dick that kills homeless bums.
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 Gulchtopia Gazette 1/22/2017

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Gulchtopia Gazette

Gulchtopia Gazette

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PostSubject: Gulchtopia Gazette 1/22/2017   Gulchtopia Gazette 1/22/2017 I_icon_minitimeMon Jan 23, 2017 12:59 am

Police Bust Bumfighting Event

During a routine patrol on the outskirts of the town, the Police department discovered a false wall on a cave. After receiving approval from their chief the police officers broke down the door and made a shocking discovery.

The cave was being used for bumfighting. Two immigrants were in a pit being forced to fight to the death for the amusement of a crowd of civilians. The police were unable to apprehend the organizers as a firefight broke out. Several suspects were killed, as well as the fighters and two of the arresting officers were critically wounded.

A reporter at the Gazette sat down with a Police officer and asked him about the incident.

Reporter: What made you want to investigate the cave?
Officer: The people on the scene reported suspicious noises
Reporter: Are the injured officers doing well? When will they be expected to recover?
Officer: I, don't really know how to answer that. I'd say a week?
Reporter: The immigrants in question died in the ensuing shootout. How will your officers work to minimize collateral damage like this in the future?
Officer: Well, they would only shoot people who... how do I say it? Who would continue the gunfight after threatening to stop it. And to only shoot people who participated in it, assuming they do not surrender.

Immigration Skyrockets after borders open

As a result New Jackson's opening of borders to foreign nations, Gulchtopia has seen a rise of immigrants from foreign lands. Jobs have been taken, embassies have been built and crime has risen. We interviewed one of the newest immigrants, the leader of the United Confederation, Puffy.

Reporter: So Puffy, what motivated your organization to set up an embassy in our city?
Puffy: Well, you guy seem like really nice people. And I wanted to be a part of something unique in the community that nobody else is doing.
Reporter: And do you see many more of your people immigrating here?
Puffy: Yes, I do. I know a lot of my guys would have a fun time in the city.
Reporter: You found work as a taxi driver. How has that been?
Puffy: Well, the police are a bit brutal. But other than that, it's pretty nice.
Reporter: There are rising concerns of immigrants bringing crime. As an immigrant turned citizen, how do you feel about this?
Puffy: I don't think, that crime should be tolerated at any level. Citizen or not, crime is a very bad virus we need to eradicate.
Reporter: Do you have any plans for the future in our town?
Puffy: Oh yes, I definitely would like to continue. Being a citizen is one of the best privileges I have. I wouldn't want to let down the Mayor or the City.

Mayor and Guard Apprehend Serial killer for a bit

This last week a killer stalked the streets of Gulchtopia. He murdered indiscriminately and several of his victims appear to have been cannibalized. His murders occurred in the ghetto and was initially ignored because the cops don't care about poor people.

However he murdered a cop, and after that the police and the Mayor targeted the man. Eventually the Mayor and his guard caught the man eating a body and brought him to custody. He was to be executed, but to the surprise of the police, he had escaped his cell and is still at large.

Strange Disappearances Leave Town Council Nearly Empty

After a series of mysterious disappearances the town council has been reduced to just one of the elected members. In their place are now the appointments Charmless Kaa (The New Police Chief) and Professor Roach (The New High Priest).

The position for Civilian Representative still remains open and The Mayor has proposed a contest to choose the next appointee. To participate, any citizen that isn't involved with the police department must submit 3 proposals to make the town a better place. The person who submits the 3 best ones via PM to Mayor NILLOC will be appointed on February 1st.

Do you think you have what it takes to report for the Gazette?

As our town grows, the frequency of disturbing events rises and the Gazette needs more staff to report on it. What we need are active, literate and motivated writers to go around our town and write articles about the things the people need to know. Pay each week can very from 50 to 2,500 Gulchmarks depending on the quality of the articles submitted. Comment here to apply!
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